Cathartic Release of Self Infliction
By Tone Matrix on March 3, 2024 8:38 pm
Thanks to your supportive comments in recent weeks I'm treating my down weeks with extra helpings of noodles. I didn't touch the keyboard for half the week but when I finally did I guess I was in the zone as I ended up recording about 60mins worth of improvised takes. Thankfully even with the mouse issues Ableton is fine with everything else including my fav 'capture' feature. Usually I'll play and if I find something I like hit capture and come back to it later. This time I just kept hitting capture after what felt like it was a songs worth of pasta. Initially I had a basic chord progression but didn't know how I wanted to develop it. I just knew I had like these mini-tapes of music to forage over later.
They don't happen all the time but a night like that can be so therapeutic. I wish music theory and classical training when I was a kid would have come together easier for me. Part of me wishes I could download all that in one matrix style implant/pill. But when I do these long sessions of just playing the piano drenched in reverb it takes me back to when I was a naive freshman in college. We would get hours of downtime in between classes to just sit in a personal lil piano booth. I would waste the day away after class sitting at the upright in one. Pretending I was in a big darkened concert hall. But not with a crowd or applause. Just me and the piano. I'm rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is these lil moments are always my personal therapy. It's a good feeling.
When I don't have to hit record and try to adhere to a strict bpm or grid I get to just daydream a bit and react with my short fingers on the clunky keys. That physical aspect of slamming the keys and then trying to barely make a sound is what helps get a lot of stress and emotion out. Tori Amos (gingers unite!) said something about how the piano is like a friend or trusted companion to her in an interview during that time and it is def relatable. Sometimes the piano is my friend, therapist and punching bag. Sooooo that's why this is unedited and the mistakes are left in. There are a few pauses where you can hear my brain trying not to stop or find an ending. The faster ending and then the sorta epilogish ending are not always the easiest for me to play. When I'm doing these piano things and especially ending on a loud section all the energy tends to filter over to my right hand. So even tho my left was saying "ok this is where we end the song right?". BIG CHORD. pause pause.. the right hand said "nope i gotta shake the rest of this off. Most of the time it doesn't sound in key or whatnot. So even tho it most def is a bit sloppy at times. I'm proud of certain bits and feeling a bit content knowing the down weeks don't have to be as down thanks to my piano (but gosh do i wish i had a reallllll pianer still)
Thanks for reading this babbling brook and thank you for listening. Onward! 
Audio works licensed by author under:
CC Attribution Share Alike (BY-SA)
Maybe it's the noodles? Heart felt beautiful tones.