This is what angst looks like for me. Maybe it's grunge or something? I don't know. Inspired by Stone Temple Pilots if you can hear it.
‹ Lyrics
Doesn’t it seem kind of strange
Seeking trust?
and baring it all, over and over again?
Did I say the right thing?
or do I give the wrong impression?
I'm not trying to conform
I’m just trying to find my place
I want to find my way
Out of this endless bullshit race
A line drawn in the sand
Unwittingly failing at being less of me
Bitter pride
Relent to this feeling that I don’t belong
and what do you know, that I don’t?
Keeping me in suspense
‹ Song Notes
Struggled for a majority of the week with coming up with an idea I liked. I actually started out with a Tool/Deftones kind of song but I just couldn't find the voice I needed for it. While some of you have heard me do death metal vocals, I don't really know how to do the fry/aggressive singing vocals very well at all. So, after struggling and trying to do that up until Wednesday, I just shelved it for another time. Already pretty uninspired, I came up with the beginning riff to this song and I was like "Eh, I can work with it."
So while I wouldn't say this song is a failure by any means, I did set out on rocky grounds by not caring at all about the mix early on because I was just trying to find something to write. Now that this song ended up in the direction it went, I *really* wish I could mix this better. This shit is held together with massive amounts of reverb. It's an aesthetic I typically like but this song has some Stone Temple Pilots inspiration behind it so I would have rather grounded it a bit more. There's also a really boomy kick that sounds right in some parts, too much in others, and I can't be bother to fix it at this point without fucking it up elsewhere probably. Just letting it be.
Lyrically, I don't know. I got too in my head this week and bummed myself out about stupid shit and felt bitter. I had a long conversation with my wife which made me feel better and then I put all those thoughts into this song, because why not. It's a hodgepodge of struggling to trying to find an audience for my music (outside of this wonderful community of course, I massively appreciate you guys), deliberately trying to constrain my creative vision to fit a genre that appeals to people and failing, a bit of envy of other's musical endeavors, hearing advice I already know when it's really just me holding myself back. So yeah, angsty much? But I kind of like it and I'm happy to just get all that shit off my mind. This is that real shit.