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WeeklyBeats.com / Music / Tone Matrix's music / Seven Years Lost

Seven Years Lost

By Tone Matrix on April 1, 2018 9:03 pm

Another slow downtempo thing where I battle my thoughts.  I can't seem to start early in the week or feel motivated/enthusiastic about actually working on something.  I always read about people using their depression/anxiety as an outlet for their music.  For me lately I just keep talking myself out of working on stuff or at least working on it with a positive attitude.  You know the angel/devil on your shoulders thing?  The negative thoughts overwhelm the good ones most of the time and I'll be sitting there 15mins in wondering "Why am I doing this?" or "Just play three chords and call it a day".  The positive thing at least is once I finally push myself to complete whatever it is I'm working on, the listening process afterwards is a nice reward.  Though I can't seem to hold onto that positive feeling. Even though this is my 3rd go-round at WB, I still haven't found a way to enjoy the process. Rinse & Repeat I suppose tongue Thank you for reading my lil rant and listening. Next week will be rant-free hopefully! smile

This submission is licensed by author under CC Attribution Noncommercial No Derivative Works (BY-NC-ND)

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April 2, 2018 8:28 am

It's a magical process, right? Sometimes akin to actual birth I reckon, having to push through the process.
As common sensical as it sounds, what I've learned from WB thus far is to "just" make decisions during composition and get it over with. The end result is always better than you think it will be in the moment (the same's true for your track this week btw, because this stuff is superb!). Of course I can't really speak on your behalf about the problems you encounter during composition, but I truly hope you find something to enjoy about the process.

Oh and nobody said you need to release a *good* track every week, right? You're overdelivering tongue

April 2, 2018 10:01 am

I love this beautiful song. It is like a pure peaceful melancholic emotion.

April 2, 2018 7:02 pm

MORE RANTS PLEASE.

Depression club checking in.  I hear you.  Most all of my work is about how angry/sad/lonely I am about everything.  Strangely, having a safe place where I can be as angry as I want, usually makes me feel really happy and free.  The "real world" is where I get into trouble sometimes, but music always greets me with a big warm hug and always listens to me and always knows what to say.

What I like about WB is that I have to force myself to sit in front of the (musical instrument of the week) and just confront myself.  The good thing is, you keep releasing the tracks!  And some of them turn out awesome, like this one!  I love the filtered beat.  The Rhodes piano really makes me feel like I am right there with your angel and devil on your shoulder.  They are sitting there kind of like the skyscraper workers, eating lunch - commiserating.  "Tough day, huh?"  "Yeah, I hear you."

Your WeeklyBeats can be as bad as they need to be, but you have to make them to find out how great they can be.

April 2, 2018 11:18 pm

i am glad you included the "rant", cause I'm right there with you. hard for me to almost ever enjoy creating music, even though it's one of the very few things i actually crave when i'm not doing it, it torments me while i do it too. weeklybeats keeps me coming back though, rather than avoiding it, and very similar to forcing a workout, it feels good after i spend a session being musically creative. then that unsureness returns before i submit/post.... yin to yang and back to yin again. so goes life.

and not to ignore your beat, it's got some great atmosphere! keep putting your real feelings behind it, i think it makes it more meaningful ultimately

April 3, 2018 12:31 am

The rant is appreciated.  It's interesting to know the thought processes behind compositions, even if they aren't always positive.  And you are continuing to get strong results.  Hopefully you can find a way to enjoy it more!

April 3, 2018 4:20 pm

Wow this is a melancholic beauty!
Drum processing is sweeet!

I appreciate your ranting... as you see in the other comments you are not alone and i can line up. Some weeks i feel just empty out of ideas and ask myself "Why am i doing this to myself" but after finishing it's gone and i am happy for some time. The year without weekly beats i did maybe the same amount of music and missed weekly beats... So i think it's mostly the feeling of being forced to make some music.

I am glad that you pushed yourself this week wink

April 4, 2018 2:06 pm

what a beautiful track!
Boards of Canada in the house, I'd say smile

April 5, 2018 3:56 am

Great track, love the strings in the second half and the melody with the piano.  As far as the rant goes, I’m glad you were able to put it into words, I think a lot of us feel similar, as long as there is still some reward coming from creating music then keep doing it.  I know I’m sure glad you keep giving us these tunes.

April 5, 2018 7:19 am

You'll probably get a lot of satisfaction if you don't just listen back to what you just made, but your entire catalog. Either that or it might make it worse, one or the other.

Also, Weeklybeats is entirely optional, you can just quit. We'd miss you, but we'd understand. Maybe you can do something you enjoy and make music out of that, rather than trying to enjoy making music.

April 6, 2018 3:25 pm

Kinda reminds me of the piano tracks in Trash80's Darwinia soundtrack a bit. It's really good!

To your rant, though, I get that real strongly! I've been falling back on the generation stuff on those weeks this year, taking less time to make something but focusing on sound design or on improving the results. Just not allowing myself to stop making music. I want all 52!

April 8, 2018 10:23 pm

A lovely track, and your rant resonates with me as well. The good thing about WB for me is that it gives me that much needed push to create something, but some weeks it only feels like a chore I'm struggling to motivate myself to complete. That said, I'm glad you completed this track and shared it with us. Both the track and your thoughts about the process are highly appreciated.

April 8, 2018 10:27 pm
antler wrote:

It's a magical process, right? Sometimes akin to actual birth I reckon, having to push through the process.
As common sensical as it sounds, what I've learned from WB thus far is to "just" make decisions during composition and get it over with. The end result is always better than you think it will be in the moment (the same's true for your track this week btw, because this stuff is superb!). Of course I can't really speak on your behalf about the problems you encounter during composition, but I truly hope you find something to enjoy about the process.

Oh and nobody said you need to release a *good* track every week, right? You're overdelivering tongue

Q-Rosh wrote:

I love this beautiful song. It is like a pure peaceful melancholic emotion.

orangedrink wrote:

MORE RANTS PLEASE.

Depression club checking in.  I hear you.  Most all of my work is about how angry/sad/lonely I am about everything.  Strangely, having a safe place where I can be as angry as I want, usually makes me feel really happy and free.  The "real world" is where I get into trouble sometimes, but music always greets me with a big warm hug and always listens to me and always knows what to say.

What I like about WB is that I have to force myself to sit in front of the (musical instrument of the week) and just confront myself.  The good thing is, you keep releasing the tracks!  And some of them turn out awesome, like this one!  I love the filtered beat.  The Rhodes piano really makes me feel like I am right there with your angel and devil on your shoulder.  They are sitting there kind of like the skyscraper workers, eating lunch - commiserating.  "Tough day, huh?"  "Yeah, I hear you."

Your WeeklyBeats can be as bad as they need to be, but you have to make them to find out how great they can be.

ahhsumx wrote:

i am glad you included the "rant", cause I'm right there with you. hard for me to almost ever enjoy creating music, even though it's one of the very few things i actually crave when i'm not doing it, it torments me while i do it too. weeklybeats keeps me coming back though, rather than avoiding it, and very similar to forcing a workout, it feels good after i spend a session being musically creative. then that unsureness returns before i submit/post.... yin to yang and back to yin again. so goes life.

and not to ignore your beat, it's got some great atmosphere! keep putting your real feelings behind it, i think it makes it more meaningful ultimately

CosmicCairns wrote:

The rant is appreciated.  It's interesting to know the thought processes behind compositions, even if they aren't always positive.  And you are continuing to get strong results.  Hopefully you can find a way to enjoy it more!

theGuen wrote:

Wow this is a melancholic beauty!
Drum processing is sweeet!

I appreciate your ranting... as you see in the other comments you are not alone and i can line up. Some weeks i feel just empty out of ideas and ask myself "Why am i doing this to myself" but after finishing it's gone and i am happy for some time. The year without weekly beats i did maybe the same amount of music and missed weekly beats... So i think it's mostly the feeling of being forced to make some music.

I am glad that you pushed yourself this week wink

dj someguy wrote:

what a beautiful track!
Boards of Canada in the house, I'd say smile

Jason Nijjer wrote:

Great track, love the strings in the second half and the melody with the piano.  As far as the rant goes, I’m glad you were able to put it into words, I think a lot of us feel similar, as long as there is still some reward coming from creating music then keep doing it.  I know I’m sure glad you keep giving us these tunes.

Devieus wrote:

You'll probably get a lot of satisfaction if you don't just listen back to what you just made, but your entire catalog. Either that or it might make it worse, one or the other.

Also, Weeklybeats is entirely optional, you can just quit. We'd miss you, but we'd understand. Maybe you can do something you enjoy and make music out of that, rather than trying to enjoy making music.

scottux wrote:

Kinda reminds me of the piano tracks in Trash80's Darwinia soundtrack a bit. It's really good!

To your rant, though, I get that real strongly! I've been falling back on the generation stuff on those weeks this year, taking less time to make something but focusing on sound design or on improving the results. Just not allowing myself to stop making music. I want all 52!

Thank you all for the reassuring comments.  I probably should have checked this earlier in the week to give me a bit of a slap on the back, but it's really cool to know I'm not the only one.  I mean I kind of figured it's just when I wrote last week's stuff I was locked in my room alone for the weekend and so all those thoughts were stuck in my tiny brain and blahhhhhh ranted smile  For someone who doesn't get out much, it's nice having the WB community to bounce rants and ideas off of.  Thanks again for listening and I look forward to checking out your tracks these past two weeks!

April 12, 2018 1:19 am

This is ridiculously good, again I am reminded of the Talos Principle soundtrack which is a thing of beauty

April 12, 2018 3:22 pm
acid wrote:

This is ridiculously good, again I am reminded of the Talos Principle soundtrack which is a thing of beauty


Thanks for the cool recommendation!  Such a soothing soundtrack too.  I wish I was working on games like that smile  Thanks again!

April 13, 2018 11:57 pm

Lovely pace and feel.  Comforting organic tones and I'm a fan of filtered beats too.

WB is great for many things.  One is the output of work you create over the year.  I'm always creating but without WB, I wouldn't complete and release no where near as much to the public and my own collection.  Mind you, I haven't released a proper solo album partially due to WB.  The time restraint can be a burden but it's also a discipline which is another reason I enjoy WB.  It hones your skills to be creative in an efficient manner which is vital for some of the film work I do where deadlines are tight.  And yes, it's also a total therapy session.  I spend hours and hours working on just one patch.  Total zen mode.  I love it.  And hey, the majority of my songs are not coming from a happy place generally but I think creating keeps me sane and overall a very optimistic person.  For me, any negative emotions aren't necessarily my influence, the music I create is just what comes out/is a part of me.  A release if you will.

April 18, 2018 4:39 pm
rdomain wrote:

Lovely pace and feel.  Comforting organic tones and I'm a fan of filtered beats too.

WB is great for many things.  One is the output of work you create over the year.  I'm always creating but without WB, I wouldn't complete and release no where near as much to the public and my own collection.  Mind you, I haven't released a proper solo album partially due to WB.  The time restraint can be a burden but it's also a discipline which is another reason I enjoy WB.  It hones your skills to be creative in an efficient manner which is vital for some of the film work I do where deadlines are tight.  And yes, it's also a total therapy session.  I spend hours and hours working on just one patch.  Total zen mode.  I love it.  And hey, the majority of my songs are not coming from a happy place generally but I think creating keeps me sane and overall a very optimistic person.  For me, any negative emotions aren't necessarily my influence, the music I create is just what comes out/is a part of me.  A release if you will.

I hear ya on that, I just need to remember those positives more often.  The negativity definitely fuels my tracks but I just need to stay focused on the overall productivity and go from there.  Granted yea over my 3 years of WBing, I haven't focused on an album in years.  But after this year I think I'm definitely going to focus on finding an albums worth over the 3 year span.  Thanks for listening and the insight, very much appreciated smile

April 20, 2018 4:33 am

A pleasure.  I've been meaning to release a couple of albums from wb material for a while.  Hopefully one day!  hah.

April 22, 2018 3:05 am

    "All that is gold does not glitter,
    Not all those who wander are lost;
    The old that is strong does not wither,
    Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

    From the ashes, a fire shall be woken,
    A light from the shadows shall spring;
    Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
    The crownless again shall be king." -j.r.tolkein

sending hopeful vibes that you will begin to enjoy the process! - your pieces are so enjoyable for us listeners!

April 26, 2018 12:26 pm

This piece is very beautiful and touching, like most of your music is. I'd rather say you have to relisten to your whole catalog. It's very very good and I've been listening to your stuff since 2012.

I guess most of us have experienced those "fuck WB, I just wanna watch some movie!" moments, though after a few weeks you see the songs piling up and say "did I actually make all of that?!?". I most of the time just want to rest, but I keep enjoying the process one I start. It's like a zen mode where everything dissapears, except from the song.

I hope you get a more positive view on the subject. Maybe you're trying too hard "too feel what you're suppossed to feel"?. Anyway, it's a real pleasure to hear your music and that has to count for something smile

Now a message from a positive motivator:

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