Am I not cool?
By Tom Foolery on May 23, 2026 11:52 am
Last night, my sister and I took part in a World Record Relay attempt to fundraise for brain cancer research which involved running around Princes Park for an hour each at 1am - 3am. It was surprisingly peaceful and nice running at that time of night, but today has felt a bit of an off day because my body does not like its sleep schedule disrupted.
This week has been... good? I can't remember. I went to a workshop for design week where we got to make sandals and a bag out of recycled materials which was fun. I burnt my fingers while burning the end of some string to stop it fraying and that hurt like hell for the whole evening (I still had fun though), and has made playing guitar this week a bit interesting.
I spent Thursday night feeling very sorry for myself. I guess I just felt a bit unlucky and frustrated about certain parts of my life (although I acknowledge I am VERY lucky on the whole). I'm very much equipped to manage my own thoughts but nevertheless we all sometimes get in a bit of a sad mood and that's okay. I cheered myself up with some chicken shop takeaway and a nice long phone call with my Mum. I also exchanged voice notes with a friend of mine who was going through an existential career crisis. It was nice to share these thoughts and help each other carry the load of them.
I guess that's where the hook from this song comes from. Just this feeling of wondering whether maybe I'm not good enough for some people? Maybe I'm not cool???? I've never really been "cool". I'm a big believer in doing things my own way and finding those who think similarly, yet every know and then I look at people who seem to fit in so seamlessly with the trends and I feel a bit of envy. Don't get me wrong though, I'm very happy with who I am and the way I do things, it just makes an interesting feeling to explore in a song.
Today I went to another Melbourne design week event (lots of VERY COOL people there) about small apartment living and making the most of small spaces. It was hosted by the founder of the youtube channelnever too small. I left with this dream of finding a nice small mid-century apartment somewhere and renovating it into a space that I could make the most of. Perhaps a dream it will stay. They did discuss an interesting thought though - that these apartments shouldn't be thought of as forever homes. People change. Life demands different things. People grow. People may start families. I've been considering moving for a while, somewhere closer to the city rich with culture and vibrancy, but nervous to do so as that probably wouldn't be sustainable for a long time. Maybe it doesn't have to be. Maybe now is the right time in my life to do so and make the most of those things while I still can?? Who knows. Big thoughts. I must digest on them for a bit I think.
Oh yeah, I also had some vocal technique breakthroughs this week maybe? Learnt a bit more about getting my voice out of my throat and resonating in the room. Moving the sound to the nasal palate, front teeth, and lips. It's hard to do, but there's sections throughout this where I think it has made a big difference. Keen to practice more.
CGDGCE tuning on this one too.
a knot of muscles binds my neck
from whispers dealt behind my back
looking over my shoulder
I see where I want to be
am I not cool?
am I not cool?
though I want to be like them
I sit outside of the fence
my tongue is dry, my mouth is sour
bleeding from my tasteless sense
am I not cool?
am I not cool?
and maybe I'm on the outside
but maybe that just means I'm free
and maybe what I taste isn't sweet
but maybe what I taste is me
am I not cool?
am I not cool?
am I not cool?
am I not cool?
Audio works licensed by author under:
CC Attribution Noncommercial No Derivative Works (BY-NC-ND)
