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WeeklyBeats.com / Music / Jai Cafarella's music / Beautiful Cesspit

Beautiful Cesspit

By Jai Cafarella on April 19, 2020 7:38 pm

I actually didn't leave this one til the last minute, wow!


This track came from a weird place, and completion took the longest of my Weekly Beats submissions so far, as there was a fair bit of experimenting on the fly, and a few creative hurdles from trying to continue my progress in stepping outside of my comfort zone.


To mirror the inspiring subject matter of a toxic marriage, I wanted to build tension, with a short relief, then back to tension, as the marriage was largely tense with occasional short moments of relief, often with no warning either way. I ended up with quite a few lyrics for this, but had to narrow them down, and I'm not entirely confident I made the right choice on some of the lines that made it into this first version, so I would like to revise this track at some point.


Lyrics:


Are you my savior?
Are you my downfall?
Am I your victim?
It's always my fault


My heart is fragile
I'm king of nothing
You keep me conquered
Call me disgusting


I'm getting nowhere
I'm getting desperate
We're co-dependent
Beautiful cesspit


You say you love me
It's control and power
I tried to save you
Instead you broke me


Hollow
Your heart is hollow
No emotion, just emulation
Hollow
Your heart is hollow
No emotion, no emotion is real


You're wretched
Pure evil
You're self-centered
Why is someone like you alive?
You're dishonest
You're traitor
You're a user
Why is someone like you alive?


You're destructive
You're a schemer
You're resentful
Why is someone like you alive?
You're deceitful
You're greedy
You're vengeful
Why is someone like you alive?

This submission is licensed by author under CC Attribution Noncommercial (BY-NC)

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April 21, 2020 11:21 am

Hey this is one of my favourites of yours so far, nice work. Unleashing your inner Trent Reznor.

April 22, 2020 2:12 am
Ryan wrote:

Hey this is one of my favourites of yours so far, nice work. Unleashing your inner Trent Reznor.

Trent who...? =oP Hehe, yeah, the influence isn't well-hidden. He's one of many artists I love but always felt inferior to. No harm in giving it a go though, as long as I don't Jeff Martin it (the piano riff in Psychopomp by The Tea Party is almost identical to the piano riff in Hurt by NIN). Jeff even did a live acoustic version of Psychopomp where he did a snippet of Hurt in the middle of it.

April 23, 2020 8:21 am

Harsh. Really great composition, I can imagine the song could be about dissociative identity disorder or schizophrenia instead. It'd certainly fit the mood of the song what with the whispers.

April 25, 2020 6:51 am

You can tell you spent some time on this.  Very well done.

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