I have so much to say yet my mouth is full of marbles
By Tom Foolery on April 24, 2026 12:23 pm
There's a lot going on to write about.
This week has been tough. All I am going to say about that is that I have been very lucky to be able to surround myself with friends, family, and colleagues, who have all been kind and patient and reminded me that I am cared for. I am very lucky to have them in my life.
Today I had a rostered day off at work. I took my sister on a run with my friends. It was a wonderful way to spend an unexpectedly warm autumn morning.
I watched my cat show affection to my foster (rare, and often sadly misunderstood by my foster - its a long story). I wonder how long my foster will be here, I wonder how much longer it will be before I just accept that she should just stay here. It has been four years already - most of her life.
At the pet store, picking up cat litter, I watched all the staff fawn over a bunny that was finding its way to a new home. "You should see how big he is!!", said the worker ringing up my bill. I caught a glimpse that confirmed this rabbit was, in fact, huge.
I went past my old work to return some things and to join some colleagues for lunch. Incidentally, there was cake to celebrate some birthdays over the weekend. As I sang happy birthday to them in the kitchen, it felt as though nothing had changed. It felt like I had just been away for the past while on a hike and now I was back to reclaim my empty desk. They said this too. Things change but things also stay the same. I miss them yet I'm happy where I am now. They said I was welcome back anytime and I felt that to be true.
I've been experiencing something these last couple of weeks. It's something small, but it happens often enough. I keep seeing things of beauty, small little moments, a big screen showing a kids TV show playing in a house as I walk past, a stranger smiling at a dog driving by with its head out the window, a drummer on the internet playing otherworldy rhythms, a pipe that groans a strange melody when I wash my hands, watching someone on the other side of the world making a heavenly piece of music from their crowded bedroom, the echo of the empty basement carpark of the office as I walk through it. Every time I go onto instagram (which I try not to do much these days - and nearly always fail) I am bombarded with beautiful music, art, drawings, video edits, dance routines, cats, puppies, wombats, birds, frogs, lightning, waterfalls, bikes, snow, mountains, love, sadness, nostalgia, memories, loss, grief, compassion, sympathy, empathy, and holiday destinations that I may never go to. I so often feel so much, even from the smallest things. Yet when it comes time to write a song, I choke on it all. The neck of my guitar feels so heavy in my hand, the strings dull. I have so much to say yet my mouth is full of marbles (hey that's a better song title).
Today, I sat down and just wrote a stream of consciousness into a file on my computer. Then, all at once it hit me, and I swear the lyrics were done in less than twenty seconds. Maybe I haven't lost it after all.
So yeah, I guess this song is about just how many beautiful things there are in the world.
there's so much
everywhere
all the time
too much to bear
I can see it
in every frame
a bedroom
invoking stadiums
I overflow
a plastic cup
was never meant
to hold this much
it feels so heavy
on my tongue
and I can't spit it out
Audio works licensed by author under:
CC Attribution Noncommercial No Derivative Works (BY-NC-ND)
