Löysin
By Minnamari on September 6, 2024 1:23 pm
Time traveling to some finnish songs I started writing sometime 2017, trying to finally give them a shape, or being finally able to accept the shape they want to take(?) Enjoying that I now have my own room/studio to work in, with my sound equipment set up so I look forward to maybe playing in the software a bit more.
The first version I made of this song, back in 2017, I played to someone and received feedback that made me unable to work on the song for many years since back then I was so sensitive, and insecure of what I'm doing and why. (the feedback came from someone who mainly listened to mainstream music so they of course encouraged me to try to make the song more that, which is not a shape that this song can seem to take. But back then I was more in a people-pleasing place and it made me very confused about what to do with this song) These days, I think I can better accept the weirdness that wants to come through. See the humor in the drama. Also, back then the emotions were probably too fresh and harder to hold or work with.
The lyrics may appear intense at times but there is some dark/dry humor inside.... Attaching english translation of the lyrics too, below the finnish, as this is a song that has an emphasis on the words and meanings.
Löysin
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Kun sydämeni särkyi löysin UG-räpin
Kun sydämeni särkyi löysin Death Metalin
Koska siellä kaikki saa vihdoin valittaa ja huutaa ja puhua sekavia
Siellä saa näyttää vihansa ja sanoa sellaista mitä tavallisesti ei koskaan sanoisi
Niin rehellisesti eikä varmaan niin vihaisesti
Jos olisi aiemmin osannut sanoa
Kun tuun töistä kotiin mun kullan luo se haluaa vaan
puhua puhua puhua puhua puhua puhua
Kunnes mun korvista pursuu ulos kaikki sanat jotka ei tarkoita mitään
Kaikki mitä sanotaan vaan sanomisen vuoksi ilman syvempää sanomaa
Se on vaan sopivaa, sovitaan vaan että istun tässä hiljaa ja nyökkään kun sanatulva hyökkää
En kuule enää sanaakaan kun yritän vaan hengittää
Etkä sä kuitenkaan huomaa
Sä tarvitset vaan kuuntelijaa
Tai kuuntelevaa esittävää
Taisi sosialisointiprosessi mennä pieleen
Taisi sosialisointiprosessi mennä pieleen
Kun sydämeni särkyi löysin musiikin
Kun särjin sydämeni löysin musiikin
Kun särjin sydämesi löysin musiikin
Kun sydämemme särkyi musiikin
Se auttoi mua palaamaan pinnalle kun painuin itseinhon aaltojen alle
Kun lopulta päästin sinut vapaaksi tai annoin periksi
Tai ehkä oikeastaan pelastin vain itseni, siksi vihani
Sinua kohtaan muuttuikin itseinhoksi
Mutta ainakin saan taas hengittää
Ja elää toivomaani itsenäistä, yksinäistä elämää
Kun sydämeni särkyi löysin itseni
Kun särjin sydämeni löysin itseni
Kun särjin itseni löysin sydämeni
Kun särjin itseni löysin sydämeni
Kun tuun töistä tyhjään kotiini meen lattialle makaamaan
Enkä jaksa nousta ylös enää
Lattialta katsoen katto on kaunis ja valkoinen, hieman likainen
Niin kuin minäkin
Mietin elämääni ja sitä miten osaan aina jotenkin aiheuttaa
Sekasorron, sekavan tilanteen, muutoksen kierteen
Muuttuvaisuus tuo kai vapautta, mutta
Mielen vankilasta ei pääse kukaan
Sälekaihtimen viivat luovat ikkunaan kalterit
Pianonkoskettimet ovat raidallinen pukuni
Makaan vankilani lattialla
Etsien katosta vastauksia
Hämähäkinseiteistä uusia ystäviä
Taisi sosialisointiprosessi mennä oikein
Taisi sosialisointiprosessi mennä oikein
Löysin lyrics (Translated to English)
(Löysin means "I Found" in English)
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When my heart broke I found the UG-rap
When my heart broke I found the Death Metal
Because there everyone can finally complain and scream and make no sense
There you can show your anger and say things you would normally never say
As honestly and probably not as angrily
If you had been able to say it sooner
When I come home from work to my darling they just want to
talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk
Until my ears are filling over with all the words that don't mean anything
All the things we say just for saying without any deeper meaning
It's just suitable, let's agree I'll just sit here silently, nodding as the flood of words attacks me
I can't hear a word anymore when I'm only trying to breathe
And you won't notice anything anyway
You just need someone to listen
Or to pretend to listen
Seems the socialization process failed
Seems the socialization process failed
When my heart broke I found the music
When I broke my heart I found the music
When I broke your heart I found the music
When our hearts broke I found the music
It helped me return to the surface after being pressed down under the waves of self-disgust
When I finally set you free, or I gave up
Or maybe I only saved myself, which is why my anger
Against you turned into self-disgust instead
But at least I can finally breathe again
And live the independent, lonely life I hoped for
When my heart broke I found myself
When I broke my heart I found myself
When I broke myself I found my heart
When I broke myself I found my heart
When I return from work to my empty home I lie down on the floor
And can't get up anymore
Seen from the floor, the ceiling looks pretty and white, slightly dirty
Just like me
I contemplate my life and how I always seem to be able to create
Chaos, messy situations, a spiral of change
I guess changeability brings freedom, but
No one is free from the prison of the mind
The venetian blinds create bars on my windows
The piano keys are my striped suit
I lie on the floor of my prison
Searching for answers in the ceiling
and for new friends in the spider webs
Seems the socialization process succeeded
Seems the socialization process succeeded
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