This is about my brother Bob (12 years my senior), who died just before Thanksgiving (2023) of complications from Agent Orange exposure during his tour in VietNam.
I had a complicated and contentious relationship with him for most of my adult life. He disagreed with my life choices.
The last time I saw him was in 2009, at the settlement of our father's estate when he told me that that was the last time he ever wanted to see me. However, in the community he was very beloved highly regarded as one of the best nicest people ever.   The newspaper obituary included so many people whose lives had been touched by my brother Bob.  I am glad of that and have always been proud of him.

This piece took several tries, and I could tweak it a bit more.  Bob admired people with mental toughness--he really liked the example of Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders and I picture him leaving the earth like that.  I ended it with a lot of Saxophone, because his daughter played that instrument, and he was so wonderful with her special-needs child- and all  his grandchildren.  His oldest Janna has quite a lot of his spirit.

I will included the memories I sent along to his memorial service as my memorial to Bob.

RIP

Basement Steps
My earliest memory of Bob is (toddler me) deciding that I could fly, by launching myself down
the basement steps. Bob caught me by chance mid air, and I remember his “whoa…..” as he
caught me.
Troubadour
When Bob was in High School and deeply into Bob Dylan, I remember him silhouetted by the
hallway light in the doorway of the back bedroom. The Hallway light was on and Judy and I
were just tucked in. His silhouette included his guitar and a chest harmonica stand. He
strummed, sang to us with harmonica breaks, to send us to sleep.
Pretzels at the Blue Hen Mall
Somewhere in Delaware, not sure of the time period, must have been grade school. Bob
introduced me to the whole concept of a shopping mall. It was way before the Fox Valley Mall of
my late HS years was built. He took Judy and I to the Blue Hen Mall. I couldn’t imagine why it
would be called anything about a hen? We were confronted by a pretzel stand immediately
upon entering the big glass doors. He dragged Judy and I up there saying “come on girls, walk
up there” and asked us if we would like a pretzel!
I had never seen a soft pretzel before. The pretzels I knew were hard crunchy things that came
in a plastic bag. He purchased one for each of us, took them over to a table and asked us (of all
things) if we would like mustard on it. Judy and I laughed! Whoever would put mustard on a
pretzel? I expected this giant pretzel to be crunchy-- and exclaimed as I bit into it: “it’s really
soft!” Bob laughed and said “Lisa, that’s why it is called a soft pretzel”-- with that sly little half
smile of his-- and I tried the mustard!
Years later when the Fox Valley Mall was built back home, I remember my friends wondering
about what a mall must be like. I very expertly filled them in remembering my brother Bob’s
cultural experience of the Blue Hen Mall in Delaware!
Knee Accident
Bob was very encouraging when I had seriously injured my knee in P.E. class in 7th grade. I
was so scared by the swelling and the incredible pain. He spent time with me and told me that
he had this accident too, and that I would be ok. As I recovered, he taught me about the
quadricep muscle and showed me the exercises that I could do to strengthen it. I have had
trouble with this injury all my life, and still do the exercises that have kept me active.
Encouragement as a teen
When I was confirmed at St. Michael’s church in the early 1970’s, I was required to read a short
paper to the congregation about something that I found important from Saturday morning
classes. Bob attended the service, and afterwards enthusiastically praised my writing and
delivery as compared to the other confirmands. I remember him emphatically saying that I
drew conclusions and had a more mature style than he would have expected from someone my
age. That praise was so encouraging to me as an adolescent.
Vote With Your Feet
As a mom involved in Cub Scouts for the first time, I grew dissatisfied with the organization of
Vince’s Cub Scout pack. I remember calling Bob and discussing the problems and he advised
that I didn’t have to stay with the pack I started with. He told me to “vote with my feet.” That
advice empowered me and I found a new pack that was a better fit. The other moms were
surprised when I left, but many of them followed me to the new pack. I was very grateful for
Bob’s advice.
How to deal with District 129
When Vince was in 5th grade, I had some problems with the teachers at his school. I polled
other parents in his class and found out about many more problems. I had talked to the
principal about this, and didn’t seem to be listening to me. I called Bob and he advised me
about the rights I had and the propensity of D129 to disregard the legal rights of the students. I
was very grateful for that very useful advice as I navigated the waters of public schools.
All Are Welcome in Boy Scouts
What I remember- Bob had to take a stand with a major funder of his Boy Scout Troop to allow
minority students as members of the troop. He lost his funding, and kept on going.
That was very nervy and brave.
Tried to Save a Child in a Car Accident
This might have been in the 1980s. A small child had run out into traffic and was hit, possibly on
Butterfield Road. Bob stopped and did CPR until the ambulance arrived and pronounced the
child dead. I think Mom told me about this. Bob bravely kept going with all the blood and the
mother’s voice in his ear saying that she told him not to.
Instructions On Handling a Pet’s Death
Being a dog owner, I listened to Bob talking about his dogs, and how he described how he held
each animal as the Vet gave the injection. Ever since I heard him talk about his, I always do
that when it comes time. It is really hard, but absolutely the right way at least for me to handle
that.
I am grateful for that example.
.
Chalkboard lessons
When Bob went to COD upon return from his tour in Viet Nam, he would often use the
chalkboard Mom had by the kitchen phone to illustrate things he learned in college.
The one that sticks in my mind is when he wrote the word ASSUME on the black board. He
asked “Girls, do you know what this means?” Then he erased and separated the word ASS U
ME-- then said: When you ASSUME you make an Ass of You and Me. I have heard this many
times throughout my life, but the first time I heard it was Bob’s chalkboard lesson