I've completed another year of Weekly Beats.
This has been probably the hardest year of my life.
I have worked really hard to keep my head above water this year. I've had a lot of challenges. Sadly my time in Minnesota has really put a serious stress on everything in my life, and basically all things are in the air now. I'm leaving Minnesota with a lot less than when I got here -- this place has really seriously worked me over in a lot of ways that I wasn't really ready for. 

I went into this project with the plan to write 52 songs for my wife. I have accomplished that. Unfortunately there's been a lot of trials within our lives this year, which I never foresaw happening. I don't know if that has all translated into the music -- my goal here was not to write traditional love songs, but to write songs that are about times/spaces/memories and inspired by these things.

As such, my final song of the year was inspired by this image:

Which I turned into MIDI using Tom Cosm's image to MIDI converter in Max 4 Live in Ableton Live.

I used that as the foundation of the song, and then layered in the other bits, a bit of techno-inspired pad and drums that are the sound that I love.

This picture means a lot to me -- it is from a trip to Colorado when Paula and I were just getting to know one another and falling in love. It's one of my favorite pictures on the planet. I believe it was taken by Steven Ziff.

I'd like to think that this type of happiness is attainable again -- I suppose we will see what the future holds. Unfortunately right now, my life is basically in a gazillion pieces and I have no idea how the fuck I'm putting them together.

For now, I leave this year knowing that I have done all that I can do to do things right in my life, and I hope that that translates into the future. I tried really hard to make everything work, I've worked myself to the bone. As of now I don't know where all that has gotten me. I'm terribly distraught and worn down. I'm not trying to be a downer, I assure you. I just don't know where my life is at right now. 

Thanks for listening.

Tags: brian botkiller, songs for joy, techno, week 52 2018, View by:brian botkiller