I have been getting a lot of instagram posts about yearning again. So, here's a song about yearning.

This week has been good! I felt very scattered in the first half of the week. Over the course of the week, I have managed to (mostly) reel that back in which has felt good. I feel like I have been trying to do too much at once, and that this does me no good. I should just focus on what I am doing at any given time. I want to be able to fully listen to people. To notice how their face moves when they speak. The joy in the creases next to their eyes. The sadness they hide in their brow.

I had dinner with friends I had not seen in a long time. I finished reading a book. I had dinner with my aunt and my cousin - this was particularly lovely as I had not seen them in a very long time. I had dinner with a separate friend, and we debriefed on a lot of recent gossip. I told him I feel I have lost my sense of adventure and he planted an idea for an adventure in my mind that I think I will be doing next weekend (it felt great to have that inspiration back). I laughed when he ordered 3 scoops of ice cream because "it was only a dollar more than 2 scoops". I went to the drive in cinema with my friends to see the minions movie (8/10 - a love letter to cinema). I got to run fast on Thursday after just training for distance for months - it felt surprisingly good. Today I had a 10km race and it felt VERY good, much better than I had expected. It was a nice lesson about committing yourself to hard work and trusting that it will lead somewhere good.

On this though, I spent a portion of the week debating in my head. I spend a lot of time running, it is therefore a big part of my identity. Whether or not I am fast or not (compared to others) does not factor into whether it is part of my identity. YET I still have this need to prove that I am GOOD at running - that I am faster than others. Moreso, I feel almost a panic when this is not so. Really, I think this is just a useful metaphor to explore value and worth of the self. It's been an interesting week of reflecting on self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-value. Something to work on.

This recording of this piece was inspired by jwh's recording process from week 28. I used a single room mic (zoom h4). I gave myself 3 attempts to record it. I allowed for time to sit between writing, recording, and "mixing". Interestingly, I was certain the 3rd take would have the most emotion - I certainly felt the most emotion recording it. But listening back, I think the 2nd take (the one you here hear) captures what I was going for the best. I am thinking about getting a second mic stand so I can mix guitar and vocals for live takes better, but one step at a time.

when I look at you I can't tell if my feet are on the ground
I think you must have taken my tongue because when I search my mind for words to say there's nothing to be found
I think of you when I look at the moon
I am made from the spare parts of you

why else would my eyes be looking at you like
they've found what they were made for all this time
aching to return to where they belong

I'm not just tired from looking
I'm tired because I don't sleep well
I don't sleep well because I lie there knowing
that someone like you exists in this world

Tags: acoustic, guitar, vocals, week 30 2026, View by:Tom Foolery