George
By orangedrink on July 27, 2020 12:01 am
Two weeks ago, my husband selected the movie “Word Is Out: Stories of Some of Our Lives” for us to watch. It is a documentary from 1978 made by a group of six LGBTQ filmmakers, where they interview 26 gay men and women about their lives and experiences. The interviewees range in age from 18 to 77. It is a fascinating documentary and is something that I wish I was exposed to as a kid.
In the film, one man named George shared his experience. He mentioned how he was always attracted to and sought out older men, even as a young person. You must imagine my bewilderment to see another person talk about intergenerational relationships, in a documentary from 1978, of all places! He went on to share some stories about being in San Francisco in the 50s, a place he escaped to in search of other people like himself. Here’s a clip from the film where he talks about José Sarria, a drag performer who later became the first openly gay candidate for public office in the USA:
I was really touched by the film, and especially George’s story, so I went online to look him up to see if I could email him and thank him and tell him how much I related to his story. Unfortunately, I discovered that he passed away at age 64 due to complications from AIDS in 1994. I felt like his story was my story, and there were so many things that I wanted to say to him, so this song was born. George was a journalist, and I feel like this is my version of musical journalism; telling the untold stories. The end harmony is like two people spanning different times and places, singing the same story/the same note.
I learned how to play a GMaj7 on guitar a month or so ago, and I’ve been putting it in every guitar song since. I haven’t sang in a while, so I tried to practice a few days before recording. I think I really need to stop recording the day that I write lyrics. I think I can improve a few of the sung lines here, and I might touch them up before giving this an official release. Really wild to go back to a stripped down voice + acoustic guitar piece after the recent Model:Cycles & Digitakt run I've been on. My friend Bailey recently wrote up some tips on songwriting for Ladies Rock Milwaukee, and one of her structure ideas was Verse, Pre-Chorus, Chorus, and I haven’t done a pre-chorus in a while, so I took that on here. The first half of the song is “in the closet”, the second half is “out” (with only one instrumental measure in between, not two! *GASP*). The lyrics “yes I am” is a shoutout to Melissa Ethridge’s album of the same name. I was almost scared to say "HIV" in a song, thinking that there might be implications about me, but I realized this is what people living with HIV have to deal with - keeping a secret out of fear of being shamed by others. I don't think HIV positive people deserve to live in shame and realized it would be hypocritical for me not sing about it because I don't want to be associated with it - so, I did it for George.
Lyrics:
I’m packing up and leaving, yes I am
Is it any wonder they can’t understand?
I’m trying to find a place for me to be a man
Will we get in trouble if we hold hands?
Lost in the crowd
Singing out loud
When I leave here, will there be somebody following or watching me?
When I leave here, will you promise not to say my name or acknowledge me?
When I leave here, however will I find someone to comfort me?
When I leave here, I’ll come back to just encourage you as you encourage me
And after all this time, I think I know
Even as a younger man, it started to show
But now I’m in the sunshine and I’m ready to grow
And even when I’m by myself I know that I’m home
Part of the crowd
Singing out loud
When I die here, will there be someone to say my name and remember me?
When I die here, will they mention my accomplishments or HIV?
When I die here, I hope you know I loved you all and I’m at peace
When I die here, will you make sharing my story your responsibility?
The weekly picture of Derek Jacobi will return next week, but this week: a tribute to George Mendenhall 
Longer Obituary: http://obit.glbthistory.org/olo/imagedb … 0224_0.jpg
Thanks so much for your time and attention and letting me share with you.
Audio works licensed by author under:
CC Attribution Noncommercial Share Alike (BY-NC-SA)
Yeah, it was super hard to sing, and I still think I could improve the notes, but there are some weird intervals fo sho
