Real?
By Jai Cafarella on January 28, 2024 5:01 pm
So this is the song the previous two weeks were placeholders for 
The original incarnation of this was written around 2000 as a pathetic 'girl broke up with me' song called Novelty Girl (because she suddenly dumped me for the new guy that had the cool fancy car and well-paying job in our friends group). Needless to say, the revised theme is a little different...
Even though I counted it as complete back then so I could flex about having a plethora of written songs to impress the peasants (ie, I craved their approval), it was never really finished and I never got back to it because the theme was super cringe and I couldn't think of how to change from the main motif, so it's been on the back burner until now.
I set out to make this a slow burn song, which I have not properly tried before from overthinking what others would think, assuming it'll be boring for them to listen to ("must get to the chorus in 30 seconds or too long!" -_- ). I'm not sure if I quite nailed it, but I hope I've found a build that burns slow but not too slow. The lyrics were the biggest set back in completing this, and although there's still a couple of lines I feel 'meh' about, they feel closer to complete. I had some trouble achieving the sound mix I imagined for this, but it's close enough for now.
I feel a mix of embarrassment/regret/shame and pride when I bring back my ancient ideas to properly finish them. I get down on myself for failing to make a name for myself as an artist in my youth (mostly because didn't/don't know how), but on the flip side, this is now a better song than it would have been had I stuck to it's original version back then.
Skin is weak, brittle bones
Under pressure, overthrown
Shake my head, feeling spent
Damn this day, the world is bent
The mind is numb, the soul displaced
An empty vessel left to waste
Living gives meaning to our lives
We live by time, but time is a lie
Can you see me, am I breathing, are we even real?
I have spent my existential patience on my knees
The world is blurred through my eyes
Heavily jaded and compromised
Faith is frayed, God is a scam
Prey on the broken with holy hands
Descending slowly into the void
As we grow older and paranoid
A world ablaze in its own downfall
And we are master of it all
Can you see me, am I breathing, are we even real?
I have spent my existential patience on my knees
I'm on my knees
Can you see me, am I bleeding, are we even real?
I have spent my existential patience on my knees
If there's no meaning I will focus on what's real to me
What's real to me?
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