Call Me The Centre Of Your World
By Jai Cafarella on January 30, 2022 7:16 pm
Southern Music presents...
SOUTHERN MUZAK!
This week, for a bit of workplace fun, it was suggested that we put aside our (writing style) differences and each write a muzak track, solely to utilise the play on words that is Southern Muzak (which I unofficially extended to Southern Muzak Trak Attak)! 3 of our 4 crew line up are signed up for Weekly Beats this year (Nyarlos, isobel. and myself), plus our honorary crew member, haleja (who may or may not be joining us on this? If not, WHY NOT?! 
).
About my contribution:
Let me take you on a journey... to a call centre far, far away... All their lines are currently busy, please hold... *queue muzak*
"Welcome to Whitford, Whitford and Whitford's Illegitimate Sons. All of our operators are currently busy, but your call is important to us, so please hold the line until your call is no longer important to you"
Q&A:
Q: You wrote this on guitar, why are there no guitars in the recording?
A: Pure laziness*
Q: Have you ever written a bossa nova style muzak track before?
A: No
Q: Do you have any idea what you're doing?
A: Also no
Q: Have you broken any bossa nova 'rules'?
A: Most likely
Q: Does this have any business being called bossa nova?
A: Most likely not
* = My incredibly shallow 'justification' being that if I put real effort into recording guitar parts, it might undermine the cheese factor.
In order to fully immerse you in the true 'on hold' experience, I really wanted to loop this as many times as the upload limit would allow. But, alas, because we usually play Weekly Beats tunes in the background at work, I suspect a 10 minute version of this would make me wildly unpopular.
Audio works licensed by author under:
CC Attribution Noncommercial (BY-NC)
I was pretty self-conscious about doing a voice over thing, so it was strangely more vulnerable feeling than my singing. This is actually the second option though, as I was way too self-conscious with the first one (a hyper high pitched American voice).