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WeeklyBeats.com / Music / CosmicCairns's music / Inconvenience Store

Inconvenience Store

By CosmicCairns on April 28, 2020 4:18 pm

When I'm not toiling away in near-total obscurity making music, I like to scratch the creative itch by toiling away in near-total obscurity writing fiction.  I finished writing my first book back in 2004.  It was a kind of comedy adventure with numerous fantastical elements.  I kind of likened it to Alice in Wonderland meets Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy meets Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  I made up a bunch of weird stuff out of thin air, but I also took things I was encountering in real life and putting fantastical twists on them.  For instance I lived near an institute for the blind at the time so I thought it would be kind of funny if there was an institute for blind people that was invisible.  After all, why waste money on paying the visibility bill when it wan't needed? 

I had been taking a bunch of science classes at the time and we had just learned about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, which is pretty cool in its own right.  I twisted this for my own purposes into Heisenberg's Uncertainty Shop.  It was a store in which nothing about it was certain and was prone to changing randomly.  This included its location, its appearance, how you entered and exited it and what items it had in stock.  Even if you bought something there you couldn't be certain that it was what it appeared to be.  One character buys a Hawaiian shirt, which turns out to actually be an exiled alien prince from the distant planet Orf who proceeds to possess him.  Later on in a sequel I wrote another character purchases an egg salad sandwich, which actually turns out to be an insidious device that forces anyone within listening distance to dance uncontrollably.  So you know, basically it's a tale of gritty realism.

Years later I posted the book online and I got reader comments along the lines of how annoying it would be to shop at the store.  I quipped back "It's pretty much the world's first inconvenience store."  I thought I was pretty clever, but then I got disappointed with myself for not thinking of that earlier when I actually wrote the story.  I suppose I could always go back and insert that line in, but in the meantime I nicked it for the title here.

This is an instrumental that kind of morphs in uncertain directions.  It's mostly synth based, but there are also two bass lines playing simultaneously at certain points and some electric guitar.  It might be playing over the speakers in Heisenberg's Uncertainty Shop.  Or maybe not.  You really can't be certain.

Incidentally, I'm pretty sure Walter White in Breaking Bad named his criminal alter ego after Werner Heisenberg.  That was an awesome show, but that was actually my one nitpick with it.  Why would a chemist name himself after a physicist?  I mean, come on, doesn't every scientist believe deep down that their field is superior to all the others?  There's a reason my 8th grade science teacher chose Earth Science and it wasn't because he couldn't hack it in another field.  Or at least that's what he claimed at the time.  I think he also taught Gym class.

***Edited to add since a couple of people have asked, it seems that this link works to take you where I have my books posted.  You might have to register for a free membership to read though.  https://www.wattpad.com/user/Wuckster

This submission is licensed by author under CC Attribution Noncommercial (BY-NC)

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May 4, 2020 12:26 am

I’m not surprised you write stories. I’ve also dabbled in fiction—mostly short stories usually with a sci-fi theme. I like this tune.

May 4, 2020 2:25 am

Good point on the visibility bill.  I'm always dreading when that auto debit comes out.  This is cool as shit man!  What the F is making that deep throaty sound?  Thats so wild.

May 4, 2020 8:41 am

You are making me dizzy with so much uncertainty to read and laugh about. especially with that finenfine psycoactive music of yours in the background. did I miss the link to your ebook or is there no more?

May 4, 2020 9:41 am

This has some demented fairground organ athmosphere... like a very psychedelic Ray Bradbury novel smile Positively weird and I like it!

May 4, 2020 10:37 am

Interesting story. Clearly not how the uncertainty principle works (i.e. you know either the place or the speed, but never both. What you're describing is more akin to superposition), but whatever, magic.

Great song though.

May 4, 2020 2:40 pm

Woa this high end is sizzlin. "I thought I was pretty clever, but then I got disappointed with myself for not thinking of that earlier when I actually wrote the story." hahahaha, at least you got a good song title out of it. Love the ideas dude, and huge respect for doing the writing gig, I want to get back into that myself.
"There's a reason my 8th grade science teacher chose Earth Science and it wasn't because he couldn't hack it in another field." As an earth scientist this makes me uncomfortable lmao.

May 4, 2020 3:31 pm

May 4, 2020 7:12 pm
E-dub wrote:

I’m not surprised you write stories. I’ve also dabbled in fiction—mostly short stories usually with a sci-fi theme. I like this tune.

  I find it definitely engages a different part of the brain than music, which is interesting.  I always say to myself I'm going to balance both but I seem to get more into one mode or
the other.  During Weekly Beats years, the fiction writing tends to suffer a little.



Chrisfoo wrote:

Good point on the visibility bill.  I'm always dreading when that auto debit comes out.  This is cool as shit man!  What the F is making that deep throaty sound?  Thats so wild.

  Thanks!  That deep throaty sound was something I found while flipping through the different options on my Korg Triton.  I'm really terrible about writing down which settings I'm using, so I don't remember what the exact effect was called, but I liked how it fit.

May 4, 2020 7:17 pm
Q-Rosh wrote:

You are making me dizzy with so much uncertainty to read and laugh about. especially with that finenfine psycoactive music of yours in the background. did I miss the link to your ebook or is there no more?

I still have it posted along with the first sequel and the still-in-progress part 3 and another completely unrelated book I finished on this site called Wattpad.  I think you might have to sign up for a free membership to access it.  I'm known as "Wuckster" over there, which is actually tied to my music name because that was a nickname we had for one of our cairn terriers and that's where I got the name Cosmic Cairns as well.  Anyway I think this link might work, but I'm not sure because when I put it in it takes me to my logged-in account... 
https://www.wattpad.com/user/Wuckster


May 4, 2020 7:31 pm
Ashen Simian wrote:

This has some demented fairground organ athmosphere... like a very psychedelic Ray Bradbury novel smile Positively weird and I like it!

  Thanks!  I like the description of a psychedelic Ray Bradbury novel.



Devieus wrote:

Interesting story. Clearly not how the uncertainty principle works (i.e. you know either the place or the speed, but never both. What you're describing is more akin to superposition), but whatever, magic.

Great song though.

  Yeah, I know.  I had just studied Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle at the time, so I was pretty on top of what it was about.  It was more the name that I latched onto and put a fantastical twist on.  Like you said, basically magic.





hieme wrote:

Woa this high end is sizzlin. "I thought I was pretty clever, but then I got disappointed with myself for not thinking of that earlier when I actually wrote the story." hahahaha, at least you got a good song title out of it. Love the ideas dude, and huge respect for doing the writing gig, I want to get back into that myself.
"There's a reason my 8th grade science teacher chose Earth Science and it wasn't because he couldn't hack it in another field." As an earth scientist this makes me uncomfortable lmao.

  Yeah, writing is fun but it's definitely hard work.  I've finished 3 books now and am working on a 4th and every single time there's always several points where I'm like "what the hell have I gotten myself into?"  And I was totally teasing about Earth science.  It's probably one of the science classes that has the least amount of math in it, which makes it seem a little "easier" but all science is important.  Definite respect for all scientists.



protman wrote:

  I have never seen Mr. Rogers look so freaky.  I'm sure he was imparting some sort of important life lesson at the time, but it's hard to imagine why it needed to involve a clown mask.

May 4, 2020 7:52 pm

Great title and story idea.  My knowledge of Heisenberg is admittedly from Star Trek Next Generation.  I think their warp drive had something called a Heisenberg Compensator that worked at a quantum level to know the position of sub-atomic particles.  They never explained how it worked but the fact that the writing staff even addressed the issue speaks was kind of cool. 

Don't go trash talking Breaking Bad now. Walter White KNEW if his alias was a famous chemist, it could point back to him as high school chemistry teacher.

Enjoyed your track and all the layers.  Your book sounds really cool as well.  Can we get a link?

May 4, 2020 8:04 pm
CosmicCairns wrote:
Q-Rosh wrote:

You are making me dizzy with so much uncertainty to read and laugh about. especially with that finenfine psycoactive music of yours in the background. did I miss the link to your ebook or is there no more?

I still have it posted along with the first sequel and the still-in-progress part 3 and another completely unrelated book I finished on this site called Wattpad.  I think you might have to sign up for a free membership to access it.  I'm known as "Wuckster" over there, which is actually tied to my music name because that was a nickname we had for one of our cairn terriers and that's where I got the name Cosmic Cairns as well.  Anyway I think this link might work, but I'm not sure because when I put it in it takes me to my logged-in account... 
https://www.wattpad.com/user/Wuckster


it worked fine. thanks, it will be fun, for shure.

May 4, 2020 8:09 pm
NWSPR wrote:

Great title and story idea.  My knowledge of Heisenberg is admittedly from Star Trek Next Generation.  I think their warp drive had something called a Heisenberg Compensator that worked at a quantum level to know the position of sub-atomic particles.  They never explained how it worked but the fact that the writing staff even addressed the issue speaks was kind of cool. 

Don't go trash talking Breaking Bad now. Walter White KNEW if his alias was a famous chemist, it could point back to him as high school chemistry teacher.

Enjoyed your track and all the layers.  Your book sounds really cool as well.  Can we get a link?

  That's as good an explanation for Walter White's alias as any.  Try to throw the authorities off the track?  On the other hand his superior quality meth could only be the work of a skilled chemist.  All respect to physicists, but Neil deGrasse Tyson isn't making that good of meth. 

It is cool that TNG included that detail.  It grounds it in a little bit of actual science, even though a Heisenberg Compensator would be impossible with our current level of scientific knowledge.  But by the time easy interstellar space travel becomes a thing, I'm sure they would have figured it out.  smile

I have the book posted on a site called Wattpad, which is basically a place where writers can post their stories.  I believe you have to register for a free membership to read anything.  I think this link should take you to my page.  It takes me there, but it's where I'm logged in, so I'm not sure what it does for someone else.  I'm known as "Wuckster" over there.  The book in question is called Tourist Trap and has a picture of one of my Cairn terriers on it, which is also where I got my music name from.  https://www.wattpad.com/user/Wuckster

May 5, 2020 2:30 pm
CosmicCairns wrote:
NWSPR wrote:

Great title and story idea.  My knowledge of Heisenberg is admittedly from Star Trek Next Generation.  I think their warp drive had something called a Heisenberg Compensator that worked at a quantum level to know the position of sub-atomic particles.  They never explained how it worked but the fact that the writing staff even addressed the issue speaks was kind of cool. 

Don't go trash talking Breaking Bad now. Walter White KNEW if his alias was a famous chemist, it could point back to him as high school chemistry teacher.

Enjoyed your track and all the layers.  Your book sounds really cool as well.  Can we get a link?

  That's as good an explanation for Walter White's alias as any.  Try to throw the authorities off the track?  On the other hand his superior quality meth could only be the work of a skilled chemist.  All respect to physicists, but Neil deGrasse Tyson isn't making that good of meth. 

It is cool that TNG included that detail.  It grounds it in a little bit of actual science, even though a Heisenberg Compensator would be impossible with our current level of scientific knowledge.  But by the time easy interstellar space travel becomes a thing, I'm sure they would have figured it out.  smile

I have the book posted on a site called Wattpad, which is basically a place where writers can post their stories.  I believe you have to register for a free membership to read anything.  I think this link should take you to my page.  It takes me there, but it's where I'm logged in, so I'm not sure what it does for someone else.  I'm known as "Wuckster" over there.  The book in question is called Tourist Trap and has a picture of one of my Cairn terriers on it, which is also where I got my music name from.  https://www.wattpad.com/user/Wuckster

OMG, just the picture of your dog on the book cover!  Too cute, I'm dying here.  This wattpad site looks pretty cool so thanks for introducing me to it.  I'm logged on as ScreeminCheese (old gamer alias) and gonna check out the series. If you cross over to making any scifi related short films, let me know.  I am organizing the first annual Brooklyn SciFi film festival for this September.  We'll have online screenings and recognition.  All level of film making capabilities are accepted from iPhone to pro.

May 5, 2020 4:20 pm
NWSPR wrote:
CosmicCairns wrote:
NWSPR wrote:

Great title and story idea.  My knowledge of Heisenberg is admittedly from Star Trek Next Generation.  I think their warp drive had something called a Heisenberg Compensator that worked at a quantum level to know the position of sub-atomic particles.  They never explained how it worked but the fact that the writing staff even addressed the issue speaks was kind of cool. 

Don't go trash talking Breaking Bad now. Walter White KNEW if his alias was a famous chemist, it could point back to him as high school chemistry teacher.

Enjoyed your track and all the layers.  Your book sounds really cool as well.  Can we get a link?

  That's as good an explanation for Walter White's alias as any.  Try to throw the authorities off the track?  On the other hand his superior quality meth could only be the work of a skilled chemist.  All respect to physicists, but Neil deGrasse Tyson isn't making that good of meth. 

It is cool that TNG included that detail.  It grounds it in a little bit of actual science, even though a Heisenberg Compensator would be impossible with our current level of scientific knowledge.  But by the time easy interstellar space travel becomes a thing, I'm sure they would have figured it out.  smile

I have the book posted on a site called Wattpad, which is basically a place where writers can post their stories.  I believe you have to register for a free membership to read anything.  I think this link should take you to my page.  It takes me there, but it's where I'm logged in, so I'm not sure what it does for someone else.  I'm known as "Wuckster" over there.  The book in question is called Tourist Trap and has a picture of one of my Cairn terriers on it, which is also where I got my music name from.  https://www.wattpad.com/user/Wuckster

OMG, just the picture of your dog on the book cover!  Too cute, I'm dying here.  This wattpad site looks pretty cool so thanks for introducing me to it.  I'm logged on as ScreeminCheese (old gamer alias) and gonna check out the series. If you cross over to making any scifi related short films, let me know.  I am organizing the first annual Brooklyn SciFi film festival for this September.  We'll have online screenings and recognition.  All level of film making capabilities are accepted from iPhone to pro.

  Yeah if you go digging around there's lots of good stuff to find on there.  There's also a lot of fluff fan-fiction written by pre-teen girls about One Direction or BTS or whatever the popular boy bands are these days, but I think even that stuff is cool because it encourages young kids to read and write.  It's not my personal cup of tea, but maybe today's Justin Bieber fan-fic writer will become my favorite author of tomorrow.  You never know.  I've got a decent number of sci-fi related short stories posted over there, but I've never attempted to film anything.  Maybe I can make some super janky one-man film using my phone or something if I find time...  It would probably be really amateur-ish and terrible though.  But maybe it would be fun to attempt anyway.

May 5, 2020 11:30 pm

Awesome write up!  Your story sounds hilarious.  ...so it's basically based on a true story, yes?

Me: "I'd like to buy some Orange Drink"
Store owner: "That's $2.01"
Me: "Here you are."
Store owner: "We don't accept pennies."
Me: "What?  Okay, here's a quarter."
Store owner: "Hey buster, read the sign: EXACT CHANGE ONLY"
Me: ???

May 5, 2020 11:58 pm
orangedrink wrote:

Awesome write up!  Your story sounds hilarious.  ...so it's basically based on a true story, yes?

Me: "I'd like to buy some Orange Drink"
Store owner: "That's $2.01"
Me: "Here you are."
Store owner: "We don't accept pennies."
Me: "What?  Okay, here's a quarter."
Store owner: "Hey buster, read the sign: EXACT CHANGE ONLY"
Me: ???

Thanks!  I'd like to think it's pretty funny, but I am biased.  Has that exchange with a store owner actually happened to you?  Because that is quite funny and would definitely fit with the vibe I'm going for.

May 6, 2020 1:28 am
CosmicCairns wrote:

Thanks!  I'd like to think it's pretty funny, but I am biased.  Has that exchange with a store owner actually happened to you?  Because that is quite funny and would definitely fit with the vibe I'm going for.

No, you are right, it is totally funny!  That never happened to me, but that was my way of expressing the vibe and tone, which I'm happy you agreed was spot on! smile

May 6, 2020 10:26 pm


orangedrink wrote:
CosmicCairns wrote:

Thanks!  I'd like to think it's pretty funny, but I am biased.  Has that exchange with a store owner actually happened to you?  Because that is quite funny and would definitely fit with the vibe I'm going for.

No, you are right, it is totally funny!  That never happened to me, but that was my way of expressing the vibe and tone, which I'm happy you agreed was spot on! smile

It actually reminds me a little of a scene in the sequel where a character attempts to purchase a sandwich from an establishment called The Sandwich King and the owner refuses to sell them a sandwich because they're not really that good and he should really try one of the other options like pizza or burritos.  I actually did get this idea from real life when someone told me I needed to try a place called "Nacho King" or something like that but told me they didn't recommend the nachos there, which struck me as hilarious.

May 6, 2020 10:57 pm

lol, I'm not surprised, but you are freakin' hilarious smile

OHHHHH Dude you GOTTA go to Nacho King!  They have the BEST salads!  Do NOT eat the nachos, someone got hepatitis, but dude the SALAAAAAADDDDSSSSSS

May 7, 2020 5:01 am

Do you have any tracks on here that you'd describe as lo-fi?

Also, It's amazing what you come up with in a week!!!

May 7, 2020 8:14 am
Modulated Drummer wrote:

Do you have any tracks on here that you'd describe as lo-fi?

Also, It's amazing what you come up with in a week!!!

  All of my tracks this year have been recorded on the same set-up, which is my PC using Reaper as my DAW, so I would guess they're all of similar fidelity.  I just started using Reaper this year, so maybe my week 2 track might be one of the most lo-fi as I was definitely still figuring things out.  It's funny you mention it though, because my recording roots are about as lo-fi as it gets.  I started out back in the 90's when I figured out I could use 2 cheap tape recorders and just switch the tapes back and forth to make some really primitive multi-tracking.  I eventually got "serious" enough about my hobby that I got a 4-track cassette recorder and I used that thing for a really long time.  Lots and lots of tape hiss in my recordings back in those days.  I digitized some of my old cassette recordings and they sound pretty terrible (they really lost something in the translation from analog to digital), but it's nice to have them.  I wish I had digitized all of them.  Now I don't even have a cassette player at all and some of the tapes have gotten lost or broken or the tape inside has gotten all tangled up.  Some of those old recordings are likely lost forever.  sad

May 7, 2020 4:50 pm

Nice write up, and sweet tune. Super chill.

May 7, 2020 7:25 pm

Enjoyed this piece, percs reminds me of clock ticking. The rhythm is certain enough while other parts are uncertain. It's a nice full atmosphere that could work will in the inconvenience store, which is great concept by the way. You description made me smile a few times. Awesome that you wrote that book, sounds very interesting - my kind of story for sure.

May 8, 2020 2:18 pm

This track was perfectly in sync with my slow-reading-skilz.  So it was like an audiobook trailer minus da words smile  That throaty patch sounds cool and gives it an else worlds feel.  The higher echoy guitar adds a nice touch with the stick-ticking pace.

May 8, 2020 11:36 pm
Mission Crossing wrote:

Nice write up, and sweet tune. Super chill.

Thanks for listening!  I appreciate it.



miraclemiles wrote:

Enjoyed this piece, percs reminds me of clock ticking. The rhythm is certain enough while other parts are uncertain. It's a nice full atmosphere that could work will in the inconvenience store, which is great concept by the way. You description made me smile a few times. Awesome that you wrote that book, sounds very interesting - my kind of story for sure.

  Thanks!  It sometimes feels like my writing and music personas are completely separate and I thought it might be fun to merge them a little.  I'm generally a little sillier in my stories and a smidge more "serious" in music, although I like to let silliness creep into music sometimes, too.  Unfortunately a lot of bands that utilize humor get dismissed as novelty or joke bands, which is kind of unfair and is why I sometimes steer clear of it.  Actually that happens with stories, too, but I've got to let my goofy side out somehow.  smile



Tone Matrix wrote:

This track was perfectly in sync with my slow-reading-skilz.  So it was like an audiobook trailer minus da words smile  That throaty patch sounds cool and gives it an else worlds feel.  The higher echoy guitar adds a nice touch with the stick-ticking pace.

  This was probably one of my longer descriptions, so I could see the track perfectly syncing with the time needed to read.  smile

May 10, 2020 1:33 am

That description is a short story alone!  haha.

Quite a psychedelic feel to this one.  Nice trip.

May 10, 2020 8:02 pm

slightly off topic this made me think of "Existential Crisis"  this song could work in the background of this video as well "in these troubling times -people just want a comforting thought - it doesn't matter what i say - they just want some reassurance"

really pretty guitar and drums with tension - captures the "inconvenience store" mood

it does feel like "here i am going to the store - it's spring it's chill and nice" - like the guitar & drums ...while in the back of your mind the siren is going off "danger danger danger" fight or flight every time we go out around people - perhaps this is a good sign of survival skills?

May 10, 2020 8:04 pm
Tone Matrix wrote:

This track was perfectly in sync with my slow-reading-skilz.  So it was like an audiobook trailer minus da words smile  That throaty patch sounds cool and gives it an else worlds feel.  The higher echoy guitar adds a nice touch with the stick-ticking pace.

I think all audiobooks should do this - I love it!

May 11, 2020 7:29 pm
rdomain wrote:

That description is a short story alone!  haha.

Quite a psychedelic feel to this one.  Nice trip.

  Once I get going, the writer in me takes over and things can get long-winded.  Thanks for listening!



kaedo sevaada wrote:

slightly off topic this made me think of "Existential Crisis"  this song could work in the background of this video as well "in these troubling times -people just want a comforting thought - it doesn't matter what i say - they just want some reassurance"

really pretty guitar and drums with tension - captures the "inconvenience store" mood

it does feel like "here i am going to the store - it's spring it's chill and nice" - like the guitar & drums ...while in the back of your mind the siren is going off "danger danger danger" fight or flight every time we go out around people - perhaps this is a good sign of survival skills?

Thanks for sharing that video.  It was somehow funny and sad at the same time.  My song could work with it, but I think the music they had in there already was perfect.  smile

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