Weeklybeats is a 52 week long music project in which artists compose and publicly release 1 song a week for the entire year.
Starting December 29th 2019 GMT each participant will have one week to upload one finished composition. Any style of music or selection of instruments are welcomed and encouraged. Sign up or Login to get started or check our FAQ for any help or questions you may have.

WeeklyBeats.com / Music / CosmicCairns's music / Hangnails Are Dumb

Hangnails Are Dumb

By CosmicCairns on May 5, 2020 8:36 pm

So I was supposed to be leaving this week to go on vacation in Kauai, but because of this dumb coronavirus, I was forced to cancel my trip.  On top of that, the Saturday when I would have been chilling out on the beach, I now have to go into work (Saturday's usually my day off) and pull an extra long shift for no extra pay.  Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful I still have my job and an income, but that's a pretty lame trade-off.

I realize that a lot of people are suffering a lot of worse things right now than cancelling a vacation and I know it's important to keep things in perspective, but I'm going to allow myself to feel a little sorry for myself this week.  So I'm a little bummed out and grouchy at the world and not totally feeling like "Yay!  Let's make music!"  But I've gotta make music because I've committed to this Weekly Beats thing.  I didn't want to write a track about coronavirus.  Frankly, it doesn't deserve the honor and it's gotten plenty of attention anyway.  So I thought I'd do an ode to something else that is dumb.  I settled on hangnails.

For as long as I can remember, I've always been prone to getting a lot of hangnails.  I don't know how many the average person gets, but I feel like I get a super lot of them.  If I'm at home when I notice one, I'll try to cut them off with nail clippers.  This usually works okay, but sometimes I can't seem to reach that very bottom section and it continues to stick up and annoy me.  If I'm out and about when I find one I can't help but mess around with them until I feel compelled to yank them off.  Every once in awhile they'll come right off painlessly, but most of the time I end up ripping off a much larger chunk of flesh than I anticipated and end up with a painful sore on my fingers that can last for a few days.  You'd think I'd have learned better after all these years, but nope.  I fall for it every time.
Seriously, what a stupid, stupid evolutionary development.  I see no purpose for these things whatsoever.  I realize there are many, many worse things that can happen to you, but man are hangnails dumb.

So earlier this year I seemed to be having a particularly bad affliction of them.  Like half my fingers were in pain because of yanked hangnails.  My girlfriend suggested I try getting a manicure.  I was vaguely aware that manicures were a thing that existed, but to be completely honest I didn't know exactly what they were.  I think I thought they maybe had something to do with getting your fingernails painted?  At any rate it had never occurred to me that it was something I could do.  Literally a couple days before everything shut down I went with her to a nail salon and got the full mani/pedi experience.  For those of you like me who have never had one, I can report the pedicure part was actually pretty enjoyable.  I got to sit in a big fancy massage chair and push all the buttons and play with the settings while soaking my feet in warm water and basically getting a foot massage.  The manicure part wasn't as fun, but it wasn't really unpleasant either.  They just went around my fingers and scraped away a bunch of skin that was probably dead already anyway.  It didn't really hurt.  It didn't really feel like anything.  They did, in fact, offer to put nail polish on my fingers, but I decided I was good going au naturel.  The good news is I didn't get any hangnails for several weeks afterward, so I think I'll probably get manicures again if things ever go back to normal.  Just recently though I've been starting to get afflicted with them again and it reminded me that hangnails are indeed dumb.

As for the track I ended up making, the first section is a bunch of different electric guitar patterns that I bring in and out of the mix more or less randomly.  Then after a brief interlude some different guitar stuff comes in while I made up an impromptu poem about how dumb hangnails are (and made sure to include a smidge of scream therapy).  Then I pretty much close the song out just making some noise on the guitar and a few other random items I had laying around.  It's not really my personal favorite track of the year so far, but it felt appropriate for this week. 

This submission is licensed by author under CC Attribution Noncommercial (BY-NC)

  • Play
  • Download
May 11, 2020 2:52 am

This is nuts man!  Very cool.  What’s going on with the meter between the guitars and the drums at the beginning?  I’m trying to figure it out but I’m failing.

May 11, 2020 11:06 am

The song starts for me after the 2 min mark. There is more space for the instruments and the song bilds up real cool into this insanity, which is perfect with your spoken/screemed words. Thumbs up. The sounds in the end are awesome.

May 11, 2020 5:23 pm

Boy this thing went on a 180. Extra long shift for no extra pay? What do you do for a living?

May 11, 2020 7:01 pm
Chrisfoo wrote:

This is nuts man!  Very cool.  What’s going on with the meter between the guitars and the drums at the beginning?  I’m trying to figure it out but I’m failing.

  I can't really say.  I churned this out pretty quickly with most of the tracks being done in one take, so it's probably just mostly accidental.



Q-Rosh wrote:

The song starts for me after the 2 min mark. There is more space for the instruments and the song bilds up real cool into this insanity, which is perfect with your spoken/screemed words. Thumbs up. The sounds in the end are awesome.

Thanks!  I guess you can look at the first 2 minutes as sort of an "intro" to the real song.  smile

May 11, 2020 7:10 pm
Devieus wrote:

Boy this thing went on a 180. Extra long shift for no extra pay? What do you do for a living?


I'm a lithotripsy tech, which basically involves operating a machine that breaks up kidney stones.  I have to work in operating rooms at the hospital with urologists and the patients have to be under anesthesia.  One of the doctors I work with decided to pile on 11 patients on Saturday, which is a lot.  I'm salaried rather than paid hourly or per case so that's why I'm not getting paid extra.  It does work out in my favor a decent amount of time as there are many days that I only have 1 or 2 patients and am done in a few hours.  On the other hand I occasionally get hit with a ridiculously long day and just have to kind of suffer through them when they happen.

May 11, 2020 7:30 pm

Ah, like that. Makes sense.

I'm surprised you have patients during this time, but the longer it's going to wait, the bigger the backlog's going to get.

May 11, 2020 7:34 pm
Devieus wrote:

Ah, like that. Makes sense.

I'm surprised you have patients during this time, but the longer it's going to wait, the bigger the backlog's going to get.

  I didn't think I was going to have many patients either, but my workload hasn't really slackened off at all during this time.  I guess the urologists are able to justify these as emergency medical procedures as kidney stones can cause serious complications in some instances.

May 11, 2020 8:10 pm

Sorry about your trip, and the hangnails, and the work. I didn't know that lithio thing was a job - learned something new! Hangnails really are dumb. Dumb dumb things I can't stop picking at. This was a fun, wild trip, took some fun turns, the main guitar line sounds a bit liking picking away at something over and over.  Ha! Just got to the vocal. Nailed it!

May 11, 2020 9:29 pm
miraclemiles wrote:

Sorry about your trip, and the hangnails, and the work. I didn't know that lithio thing was a job - learned something new! Hangnails really are dumb. Dumb dumb things I can't stop picking at. This was a fun, wild trip, took some fun turns, the main guitar line sounds a bit liking picking away at something over and over.  Ha! Just got to the vocal. Nailed it!

Thanks!  Glad I'm not the only one who finds hangnails annoying, although I doubt anyone out there is like, "Man these things are freakin' awesome!" 

May 12, 2020 12:46 am

Hahaha I like the lyrics! Nice track, super fun smile

May 12, 2020 10:28 pm

Love the extra rad hangnail lead guitar in the middle.  This may not be your favorite track of the year, but that's my favorite guitar lead!  I was really zoning out to the cool loops that proceeded it, but the lead is next level! Great noises at the end.  I think I hear a kitten in there.  Maybe a guitar kitten hybrid sound.

On a personal note, when you were getting the pedicure, did you giggle or does the warm water somehow cancel out the tickle reflex?  I fear pedicures because of my ticklish feet.

Sorry about the vacation.  That really does suck. 

May 13, 2020 2:58 am
Mission Crossing wrote:

Hahaha I like the lyrics! Nice track, super fun smile

  Thanks!  I came up with the lyrics pretty fast, but they were heartfelt.



NWSPR wrote:

Love the extra rad hangnail lead guitar in the middle.  This may not be your favorite track of the year, but that's my favorite guitar lead!  I was really zoning out to the cool loops that proceeded it, but the lead is next level! Great noises at the end.  I think I hear a kitten in there.  Maybe a guitar kitten hybrid sound.

On a personal note, when you were getting the pedicure, did you giggle or does the warm water somehow cancel out the tickle reflex?  I fear pedicures because of my ticklish feet.

Sorry about the vacation.  That really does suck.

Thanks!  Maybe I'm being too harsh on this track because I've been in a weird mood this week what with the vacation being cancelled and everything and of course somehow it's been an extra crappy work week.  I think the kitten noise is actually a slide whistle.  It caught me by surprise when I listened to it after the mixdown because I forgot I had thrown it in there. 

The pedicure was a little while ago now, but I remember soaking the feet in the hot water felt pretty nice.  I think a couple parts tickled my feet a little bit, but it wasn't unbearable and I have pretty ticklish feet, too.  My dog tries to lick my feet sometimes and it tickles the hell out of me.  Nothing in the pedicure was as intense as that.  I remember a couple of the sensations were a little weird and there was some scraping involved, but it mostly felt pretty good.  I'd recommend giving it a try.  You could probably tell the person doing it to ease off a little if anything was unpleasant.

May 15, 2020 12:06 pm

Hangnails ARE dumb and Thrashing is FUN!  I really enjoyed the guitar work here.  I could sense the emotion of not going on your vacay through that second half of the track.  The vocal lines even more so.  Well done!

May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
Tone Matrix wrote:

Hangnails ARE dumb and Thrashing is FUN!  I really enjoyed the guitar work here.  I could sense the emotion of not going on your vacay through that second half of the track.  The vocal lines even more so.  Well done!

  Thanks!  It's hard to believe, but this week has been way worse than last week was.  I'm going to be going for a much more mellow track though.

May 17, 2020 7:21 pm

cuticle cream
might be helpful until you can get to a salon smile 
so much hand-washing is hard on hands

May 17, 2020 7:31 pm
kaedo sevaada wrote:

cuticle cream
might be helpful until you can get to a salon smile 
so much hand-washing is hard on hands

  Thanks for the tip.  I'll have to look into that.

May 17, 2020 7:35 pm
CosmicCairns wrote:
kaedo sevaada wrote:

cuticle cream
might be helpful until you can get to a salon smile 
so much hand-washing is hard on hands

  Thanks for the tip.  I'll have to look into that.

butter or even better lard works really well if you don't wanna fuss too much

You need to login to leave a comment.
Login Sign-up